Recuperating

I have taken too many trips this summer. Each morning this week I have woken up wishing for more sleep. While that is not particularly new, given my struggle with narcolepsy, it has definitely been worse this week. My brain feels mushy, and my limits are, well, limited.

Each day has gotten a little better, with my ability to do things growing little by little. Yesterday I cooked two meals, though that pretty much sapped all my energy.

I have also had my kiddos with me this week. Much of my time has been dedicated to playing Minecraft or Lego Marvel Superheroes. It amazes me how taxing even those simple tasks can be.

I have not accomplished a great deal this week, but it has been a good time of recovery. School will be starting up soon and my time with my kids will go back to being very limited. I value each hour we get. Yesterday, my son and daughter would come to me steadily throughout the day for hugs and check-ins.

I am so grateful that they look to me for that source of nurturing and anchoring.

Having my children with me may slow down the recuperating process physically, but it makes a world of difference mentally.

All of this to say, I missed posting yesterday because when I sat down between meals, took out my computer, and stared at the screen I was mentally empty. I had nothing left to give from. So, I slipped my laptop back into its place and gave myself permission to skip a day.

 I know I have talked about it before, but I just want to reiterate how important it is to give yourself grace and room for life to happen.

I am not always good at this. I can get very impatient with how long it takes my body to recuperate anymore. I put pressure on myself to perform, to “be ok”, and to function up to “normal”. Not only are these “goals” unrealistic, but they are incredibly hard to define.

What is normal? What is being, ok?

I think it depends on the day. Today, being ok means spending time with my kids and getting them back to their mothers for the weekend. Today, being ok means doing their laundry, processing my thoughts, and not pushing myself. Today, being ok means sleeping in and making sure I take my medicine.

Each day, “ok” seems to depend on where I am when I wake up. I am learning to be “ok” with that. Most days I can accomplish what I want, if not as much as I want. It is just those days when I am recuperating from something that I struggle with how little I can do.

In response, I chose to remain thankful. I have my kids today, and that makes me smile. I have the mental energy to write, even if it isn’t my best work, and for that I am grateful. The food I prepared yesterday will provide our meals for today and not cooking today will be great. I will have some time today in the car to listen to a book and let my mind wander, and that will be awesome.

God is good and fills our lives with many blessings. It is easy to get distracted by the challenges, but if we take a moment to look, the scale always leans to the side of blessings. For that, I am thankful.

I hope next week’s posts will be better and more consistent as I continue to recuperate from weeks of pushing too hard. I hope each of you has taken time to relax, rest, recuperate, appreciate, and enjoy God’s many blessings. Most of all, I hope my words encourage and inspire someone else struggling today.