Naps

One hundred years ago, when I was in kindergarten, school was fun. We had awesome toys like marble racetracks, building blocks, and play kitchens. We would read books, learn our address, and go to recess. The one part that stands out the most was nap time.

We could choose a place in the classroom, lay out our blankets, and we took a nap. I loved finding a shadowed place under a table or desk. There was something comforting about backing into a protected little corner and being mostly hidden from the world.

Kindergarten has changed a lot. My kids brought home spelling words like tachycardia and algebra equations for homework. I felt like telling them I hadn’t figured out my own problems yet, how could I possibly solve for “A”?

Sometimes, I miss those days. Well parts of them. Ok, one part of them… nap time. I miss naps.

Narcolepsy is a weird disorder. Part neurological, psychological, and immune system dysfunction. It presents in as many ways as there are people afflicted with the condition.

For example, I do not randomly fall asleep. I am always tired. I can go to sleep repeatedly throughout the day if I lay down but can struggle getting to sleep at night. Waking up is a nightmare and I never feel rested a new.

I think that is what I miss the most. Laying down for a nap, letting sleep overcome you, and waking up feeling like a new person.

Between the Darth Vader wannabe set of masks and hoses I must attach to my face to sleep and breathe at the same time, and the dread of feeling half dead when I wake up, I don’t simply let sleep “overcome me” anymore.

My sleep specialists have told me repeatedly that even with medicine I would probably need naps and should feel free to do so. The problem is the message never seems to make it to my inner voice of guilt that likes to chide me for being “lazy” and tells me to “grow up and do something productive” whenever I consider a nap.

Thanks, jerk.

That being said, the sky outside is a beautiful glowing red and pink, and my head is buzzing and foggy from a sleep attack. For those who may be wondering, for me, a sleep attack is when a wave of tiredness washes over me so strongly I feel like I could lay my head back and pass out regardless of where I am.

My body does not care that the sun is setting and that if I take a nap now, I could ruin what little sleep schedule I have.

Today I am going to make a different choice than I normally make. I’m going to take a nap. Why am I sharing all of this with you?

Because guilt can keep us from practicing self-care. The tyranny of “ought to” and “should be” can be our biggest enemies. There will always be things to do. While we can not be irresponsible and ignore those things which must be done, neither can we ignore ourselves and give in to things that seem urgent but not important.

I am going to go take a nap, and I hope that you will take a few moments today to listen to your body, think about your needs, and take care of yourself. If you don’t, who will? If you don’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of anyone else?