I was double-checking that I had finished the requirements for my orientation. I opened the university’s online portal and saw a new link prominently displayed in the main toolbar. Classes start on Monday and the first of my three professors had just opened the link to his class.
I eagerly clicked the link, found the syllabus, and started reading. A very ambitious semester packed the document with assignments, forums, papers, and requirements. Words and phrases I feel only tangentially familiar with loomed prominent, and the sheer amount of work felt like a punch.
Anxiety settled into the pit of my stomach as the realization that this was only one of three classes sank in. There will be no easing into this semester.
I am familiar with this anxiety. Any time I am set to try something particularly new or outside of my norm I am flooded with anxiety. Even when I am confident that the task will be easily navigated my stomach twists and knots until I am well and truly in the middle of doing the task.
I know that this semester will be a challenge. The workload will be significant, and it will take serious adjustments to my regular habits and routines to accommodate the load. I will not always be successful at this, but I am sure that I will accomplish what needs to be done.
Still, there is that lead weight of anxiety hanging in my gut. I am eager to get started so that I can forget my anxiety in the process of simply doing the task.
I did realize something while reading over the course requirements. As I read the reading expectations due to be completed by Monday, I noticed that I have been tasked with familiarizing myself with the topics and themes of the last two years’ worth of a specific journal’s articles, reading half of a book, and two separate articles in full.
It rather suddenly occurred to me that maintaining an article a day on this site might be overly ambitious. While I do not plan on giving up that goal yet, I want to be honest about the reality that the frequency may drop or become inconsistent while I am adjusting to new routines.
Too often, when we look at the big picture, things seem too big and overwhelming. We feel dwarfed by circumstances beyond our control and can become crippled by anxiety. I believe this is the beautiful genius of Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:34, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:34 ESV – Bible Gateway)
We function best when we focus on what each day brings. Trying to account for days ahead causes anxiety and worry that we can not truly satisfy because we do not know what the future holds. Rather, God gives us grace sufficient for each day (Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV – Bible Gateway).
We do our best walking when it is step by step.
When I was a young teenager running around the Appalachian woods with my brother and best friend we would often come across ravines and creeks that we wanted to cross. I would fastidiously find and feel-out each foothold as I stepped from rock to rock or outcropping to outcropping.
Yes, I needed a plan for getting across. I would scan the creek bed and identify an area with rocks close enough to use to cross and I would assess the overall safety of the spot. After the initial assessment, I put my full attention on each step. Every time you looked several steps ahead the rock you were on would tilt, shift, or wobble and threaten to deposit you in the icy mountain water.
This semester each assignment is one step, one rock that must be worried about in its own time. I will do my best to follow the plan (syllabus) but my attention will be on each step of the process. That includes actively pursuing balance in the rest of my life.
Thankfully, anxiety is often lost in the process and God shows himself faithful at every step.
If your life is beginning to look like the syllabus of my class, overloaded and overwhelming, remember that all you must answer for is accomplishing the next correct step in the process. You don’t have to cross the chasm in one running leap, just take it step by step.
Z Notables 